DailySusan Humor Blog

WHUPPIN'S?

Someone we know who is very sweet and gentle has a temporary job doing research over the telephone. Under the direction of a college psychology professor, she is calling people out of the blue, and asking if they have any neck or back pain.

This is in a state in the Deep South. People have been basically pretty cordial. Sometimes, they’ve been amazingly revealing, too.

One time, a lady answered the phone in a deep, deep drawl and said sure, she had time to talk; she was just sitting out on her front porch. It sounded like a coon dog was howling in the background, and things were clanking (a still? farm implements?) with occasional shouts and screams (Hatfields vs. McCoys?). She interrupted the call briefly to shout, “You kids! Beee-have! YOU KIDS!!!”

Well, it painted a picture.

Then when it came down to the key question – did she have any neck or back pain – the lady said something like, “Lawdy, yes, I have back pain. It’s because of all the ___-whuppin’s my old man has given me. HEY, YOU KIDS!!! . . .”

The researcher thought it was a joke, and almost laughed. Good thing she didn’t. It wasn’t. She just recorded the response, verbatim, on the form, as she is supposed to do . . . and moved on to the next call.

Ah, telemarketing: who knew it had the timeless tragic themes of fine literature, like “The Beverly Hillbillies” and “Gomer Pyle”. . . .