DailySusan Humor Blog

BUNNY WARS: DESPERATE MEASURES

Aha! I’m not the only one who does battle with the bunnies, trying to protect expensive landscaping plants and flowers from their ravages. But up to now, I’ve lost most of the skirmishes.

I’ve tried scattering dog hair around. Lame; scent disappears after the first rain.

I’ve tried cayenne pepper on the leaves. Double lame; they relish it!

Yes, I even purchased a pellet gun. But I was too much of a wimp to use it.

I’ve been resigned to letting them literally eat me out of house and home. But yesterday, the FINAL SOLUTION came forward from a practical garden guru who’s not afraid to take extreme measures in besting the rodent bulimics. Nonviolently, too!

In broad daylight, she escorts the men in her family out to where the plants she wants to protect are. They see their mission. Then, in the evening, she has those same males drink a lot, lot, lot of water ‘round about bedtime. Then they take the dog outside in the pitch dark for a last run . . . and then . . . well, YOU know . . . boys will be boys. . . .

Apparently, the Alpha Male scent is a great deterrent. Better living through chemistry! Take THAT, you cwazy wabbits.

If your alpha, or even zeta males, won’t cooperate in person out of some sense of propriety, then you can always keep an empty mayonnaise jar in the W.C. and tell ‘em it’s “for the cause.”