DailySusan Humor Blog

STAND-UP SCHTICK

These funnies are from comedian Steven Wright (www.stevenwright.com):

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I had to stop driving my car for a while. The tires got dizzy.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building -- on the ledge.

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark ‘til he was 8 years old.

I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once. He was fun when he was a puppy. I named him Stay. When I'd call him I'd say, “C'mere, Stay! C'mere, Stay!” and he'd go like this . . . (FILL IN THE MOVEMENT YOURSELF). He's a lot smarter than that now. Now when I call him, he just ignores me and keeps on typing.