KIDS RESIST GOING GREEN
WHEN IT'S VEGETABLES

A friend's 5-year-old son cracks me up. He told his mom that he HATED green beans, but ate them because he wanted her to be impressed.

Reminds me of Maddy at about that age. We tried to introduce her to artichokes. We oohed and ahhed as our teeth stripped the goodness off each artichoke leaf, exaggerating the delicious taste.

She sat there the whole time with a black unibrow, scowling at us ever more, the harder we tried to entice her into trying just one little bite.

Finally, she muttered, "That is NOT happening!"

FLIPPING HIM THE (BIRD) STARE
DOESN'T BRING IT BACK

What? You ate the last Girl Scout cookie?!?

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS,
PART II

Yesterday's volunteer trip into the wilds of a day-care center by middle-schoolers acting as reading mentors had many moments of comedy. Here's another one:

Maddy, age 11, was reading the profound classic, "Mr. Brown Can Moo," to five 3- and 4-year-olds. Halfway through, one of them interrupted her.

"What's your name?" he inquired.

"Maddy. What's yours?"

"I don't know. But he's Mason!" he replied, pointing to the boy next to him.

They are royalty in the Kingdom of Random.

KIDS ASK
THE DARNDEST QUESTIONS

Our middle school service learning club went into a day-care center this afternoon to read Dr. Seuss to the itty bitties. The "Book Buddies" had a great time. They were practically levitating with joy on the way home for how good it felt to give a little of their time to others, though the hour was loud, boisterous and wild, the room smelled faintly of diapers and the carpet underneath them was . . . damp. Ewww!

One sixth-grade girl reported this strange encounter with a 4-year-old, who asked her:

"What's your name?"

"Cassie."

"WHY?"

She was dumbfounded. He must've been in that phase little kids all go through, in which they incessantly ask "why?"

All she could do was laugh . . . and of course, THEN he asked her why she was LAUGHING . . . and she just said it was because the book she was reading them was funny . . . and THEN he asked her WHY. . . .

T.G.I.F.!
THAT'S MADDY, AT RIGHT, WITH
HER GOOD FRIEND. NEVER A DULL TWEENER MOMENT!

THE BRITS ARE BLOODY FUNNY;
WANT ADS DON'T WANT FOR HUMOR

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!



FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.



FREE PUPPIES.

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.



COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.



JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.



WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .

Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.



**** And the WINNER is... ****



FOR SALE BY OWNER.

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

THOSE MUG MAKERS NEED TO K.I.S.S.:
KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY

A buddy of mine got a new coffee mug from somewhere. He finally realized the irony of the printing on this mug.

It reads:

SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY

For some amount of time, he has been drinking his coffee out of that mug, and it never dawned on him 'til yesterday that the mug itself is hypocritical.

If you were REALLY trying to exhort people to simplify, you would only have that word on there ONCE. So what was their point by having it twice -- that when you TRY to simplify your life, you invariably end up COMPLICATING it more?

It's enough to mess with your mind. Gimme that mug. I NEED A DRINK!