Monday, August 22, 2016

Of Weirdbeards and Beer

Now I've heard everything: a friend's husband has been ordered to wear a BEARD NET while doing his microbrewery thing, or else. You know, as a hairnet is to a lunch lady in the school cafeteria, a beard net is to a gentleman who brews beer commercially.

The friend is delighted. She hates the beard. She hasn't seen his face for a while, so this is going to be great.

EXCEPT their customers are upset. They say they aren't sure they WANT to drink a microbrew made by a man who DOESN'T have a beard.

I tend to agree.




Friday, August 19, 2016

IRONICALLY FUNNY

Don't know who originated these, or who would admit to it:



The economy is so bad that, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

Finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Live, Laugh, Love . . . But What "L"se?

Our teenager and I were in hysterics this afternoon in traffic, following an SUV with a schmaltzy slogan on a cling on the back window. You've seen it:





We thought we could make a lot of money by creating new clings to go along with that one. Each word would start with "L," like the original. They would be in the same flowery typeface, so that people might expect some more sweet thoughts, and would never expect anything else. But these new "L" words might be a bit . . . edgy:



LUST

LEAK

LOP



. . . or:



LOSE

LOLL

LICK


. . . or:


LURE

LOAD

LAG

. . . or maybe not. We can see the copyright invasion problem right now. Another "L" word: LAWSUIT!


Friday, August 12, 2016

Not Iron Man -- Beef Jerky Man

Our teenage daughter is volunteering at a national triathlon in our city this weekend. Yesterday, she spent hours in the welcome tent. She was distributing T-shirts and goodie bags to participants from all over the world.

One triathlete was 75 years old. She said he was "ripped" though very thin, and was very, very tan. While she admired his tenacity for keeping in such great shape at such an advanced age, she said:

"He looked like a piece of beef jerky."




Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Win a Golf Tournament, Get a Jacket

Mr. Wonderful's recent men's golf stag was a funhouse take on much more famous golf tournaments. For example, you've probably heard of The Masters in Augusta, Ga., one of the worldwide majors. The climax is when the previous year's champion helps the new winner put on a beautiful, classy, green sport jacket.

Well, at this local tournament, the winner of each flight got to come forward and put on a jacket, all right -- but they were all about $3 jobbies from the local thrift shop. My husband's was actually a women's collarless jacket in a jaunty black, white and gray buffalo plaid. He didn't look THIS bad in it, but pretty close:


Tuesday, July 19, 2016

When Golfers Get Too Frisky: FORE!

Hubby was in a men's stag golf tournament over the weekend that featured one crazy golfer in a Scottish outfit, complete with kilt.

Apparently, he bragged of "going commando" in the underwear department, though mercifully, he didn't try to prove it.

However, it was unwise of the organizers to place the beer coolers in a prominent part of the ballroom for the party afterwards. The kilt wearer manfully strode up to the cooler to get a beer, bent over . . .

. . . and removed alllllllll doubt.

It gave new meaning to the term "highland fling."