DailySusan Humor Blog

SLACKER MOM AT GRADUATION TIME

GULP! Over the weekend, I saw what some other parents were doing to set up a “shrine” of memorabilia for their son’s graduation party. You know those giant photo collages and keepsake displays that organized parents make. Sheesh! They’re making me look bad.

On these people’s kitchen table, spilling over into their family room, were stacks of photos and papers in neat categories. It looked like the Underground Command Center of the Strategic Air Command.

They had pictures of him from the delivery room, preschool, and individual and group pictures from each grade, K-12. They had personal letters written by his favorite teachers and coaches. They had some of his best school assignments from over the years. They had an entire computer disk filled with sports actions shots. They had a rosette made of all his swimming ribbons.

HOLY SCHMOLY! So far, I was making Beamer create her own scrapbook and her own graduation DVD, because she’s a lot better at those tasks than I am. Otherwise, I’ve been gardening so the place will look presentable, and I know what we’re going to have to eat at the party: what else, but my world-famous . . . OK, Class of ’06 famous . . . chocolate raspberry dessert.

But these shrines . . . how does a “slacker” mom compete? I know! I’ll display:

-- Her dad’s wallet with flies coming out of it, it’ll be so empty next year with three – count ‘em – three children in college or post-grad school.

-- A little piece of dented fender from the two – count ‘em – two times her precious car has been hit by other hormone-crazed teenagers this school year alone.

-- Her crutches from the time in third grade when she sprained her ankle on a trampoline minutes before our long-awaited trip to Cancun.

-- Her passport picture from that same trip. She was laughing when they took it. She looks like a deranged squirrel that someone just tickled.

Her “shrine” might not be dignified . . . but dang! It’ll be different!