DailySusan Humor Blog

STRESS-O-GRAMS

It’s hard to imagine actually using these cynical one-liners in stressful office situations. But it’s fun to imagine yourself doing just that:

You say I'm critical like it's a bad thing.

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

Do I look like a people person?

I started out with nothing . . . and I still have most of it left.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too.

I work 45 hours a week to be this poor?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Earth is full. Go home.

You're depriving some village of an idiot.

Look in my eyes. Do you see one ounce of gives-a-darn?

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Praise report: Thank You, Lord Jesus, for the 4-1 victory Eden’s softball team lodged at Nationals against a very good Ohio team. Thank You for their favorable draw, which allowed them to play just one game in yesterday’s Georgia humidity, and, if they win again today at 4 p.m., they’ll only have to play one game again. Meanwhile, numerous other teams are getting worn out and “knocked off.” We are thankful for Your favor, and for the kind-hearted intercession of prayer warriors who love to see young people who follow You do well in the world. (Joshua 1:8)

Praise report: Lord, You are so faithful to Your word and Your ways. Thank You for leading my friend Tracy to wise advisors and prayer warriors who inspired her to put aside her feelings of hurt and anger in her current marriage difficulties, and humble herself, and submit to her husband in the boudoir. She became a peacemaker. Now things are much, much better! There’s no substitute for holy love between a husband and wife, to put things right. Her happy smile and peaceful demeanor are so wonderful to see, instead of tears and frowns. Jesus, You are the ultimate marriage Counselor, and we praise You for this victory. (Matthew 5:9)