DailySusan Humor Blog

I FOUGHT THE CLOG, AND THE CLOG WON

He shall deliver thee in six troubles:
yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee.
-- Job 5:19

Last Friday night, the kitchen sink backed up and cascaded onto my beautiful maple floor, cupping the planks and splattering down into the basement toy room.

Then the laundry-room sink clogged, too. I had to hurl bucket after bucket of water out onto the driveway from both sinks.

I’m recovering from a rib injury. Lugging all those buckets of water was painful. I had to bend over sideways and waddle like a deranged duck.

The neighbors must’ve gotten an eyeful as this frowning, crab-like creature regularly kicked open the door and burst out onto the driveway, hurling buckets of water and emitting peculiar grunts, like an over-the-top pagan ritual.

In between hurls, I pumped the plunger and dumped drainer goo. But the flow still wouldn’t go no mo’.

The sinks kept refilling. Where was all this water coming from?

What was clogging the pipes?

And why had our water pressure been so puny? It took an hour to fill up a pan, and all I had to shampoo my hair was steam.

But I didn’t want to call a plumber. Who’s got $4,000 an hour?

Meanwhile, my spouse, who wears the logical/mechanical pants in the family, was inconveniently out of town. So I was stumped.

Suddenly, the overflow stopped. I stared suspiciously at the standing water for hours. Finally, I collapsed into bed.

Next morning, the sinks were empty! I rejoiced.

Too soon! Eerily, 24 hours later, the overflow was back.

Again, after an hour of crab-like scurrying and bucket hurling, it stopped. Again, next morning it was allllll better.

My spouse arrived home from softball Nationals in Georgia with our daughter late that night. I described the clog. He brought up the Shrimp Peel Holocaust from our newlywed days. Did NOT! I don’t even put WATER down the disposal anymore. . . .

Meanwhile, his suitcase sat on the tarmac in Atlanta in a thunderstorm. Everything was drenched.

So the next day, again crab-walking, I lugged three sacks of wet, stinky laundry to the cleaners.

I also had to take the dog to get spayed – HER plumbing needed attention, too.

The four daughters all had crises going on. TLC Alert!

Then, suddenly, my email startup page disappeared, with my irreplaceable contact lists. I was stumped.

Then the clog came back.

And our basement storage room flooded in a torrential downpour, so I had to wet-vac, bent over sideways, both whining and grunting.

No laundry, no dishwasher, no showers, and it smelled too plumbing-y to cook or eat in the house. Desperate situation.

Finally, the plumber came. He worked for two hours and couldn’t get anywhere. He said to call Roto Rooter.

Roto Rooter worked for seven hours and couldn’t get anywhere. They said to call the plumber.

This time, two came, with nuclear detonators, and finally fixed it.

Not really. The weight of the water in the line apparently just pushed the clog forward and out. Presto! It unclogged itself, basically. This, for $4,000 an hour.

They said the clog formed because the water line turns seven times through our house, when it should be making a straight shot.

Ohhhhhh. THAT made sense.

The computer guru recovered my email, salvaging my self-esteem by saying the problem was stupendously unusual.

Phone communications were restored.

Everyone got their TLC.

The dog feels fine, now a “Ms.”

The laundry is fluffed and folded.

Once again at peace, I sat down, and philosophized:

Life is like a plumbing clog: mysterious, hidden, with twists and turns. Sometimes it hurts, or makes us look silly.

Most things in life work fine without our intervention, like plumbing. But when things go wrong, if you hang in there, keep your sense of humor, and get help, eventually problems will work themselves out.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

This morning, though, my bathroom sink took a long, long time to drain.

I started to panic. I could feel the urge to crab-walk. But then I got a hold of myself, set my jaw, and told that clog off:

“Don’t mess with me. This, too, shall pass.”

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Prayer Request: Surround the young people going back to school this week, or to college for the first time, with angels of protection and guidance. Strengthen their roots at home, but lift them into new friendships and directions with the wings of hope and discovery, and teach them that it is You doing the lifting. Special grace for our daughter’s Firestix teammates and for a special niece, Heather. May they all bring delight to their parents as they make this important transition. (Proverbs 29:17)