DailySusan Humor Blog

VEGGIE EPITAPHS

I had a nightmare about my lack of home ec stewardship. The amazing bounty from our garden is quickly outstripping my ability to cook and freeze what we’ve grown. I’ve let a few luscious tomatoes and cucumbers rot, and some corn got wormy waiting to be husked.

The horror of that waste haunts me. On the first day of Bible study, instead of bringing my teacher an apple, I brought her four zucchini. I ignored the funny look on her face. I gave away two sacks of cucumbers to my buds, too, avoiding eye contact so they wouldn’t make me feel guilty for pawning them off on them. I leave anonymous sacks of veggies at friends’ doors, ring the bell, and run for the hills.

The fear of wasting food was ingrained on my psyche by my Depression-era ma and pa. No one in my family ever left food on our plates; if necessary, you could slide brussel sprouts into the napkin in your lap, but that was about it. We always turned out lights when we weren’t in the room, and sometimes when we were. Even though we were relatively rich, we all wore hand-me-downs if at all possible, in every category except, thank God, underwear.

I guess that’s why my subconscious mind is worried about this garden excess. Here’s what I dreamed they engraved on my tombstone:

Here Lies a Recipe Weenie;
She Threw Away a Lot of Zucchini.

Tomatoes? Cukes? ‘Twas All a Wash;
She Let ‘Em Rot, Along With Squash.

It Made You Wince, Like Graphic Porn
To See Her Wasting All That Corn.

But at least, I’m trying to fight back. Tomorrow, I’ll share two great veggie recipes that have saved the day, or at least, helped me sleep better.

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Prayer request: We lift up a Scout leader named Bruce who collapsed while running, and may have brain damage. Lord, be with his wife and children, and bring forward friends and neighbors to help this good Scout and his family in every way possible. Remember how good and true Bruce has been, Father; be merciful to him. (Isaiah 38:3)