DailySusan Humor Blog

The OTHER Other Woman

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
-- Matthew 6:12

I was trapped at a party with someone who had recently been The Other Woman, but now was The Wife.

I knew how she had stuck that knife into the first wife’s back, and sent her floating downstream on the bloody river of d-I-v-o-r-c-e, taking the air out of the kids’ water wings in the process.

But it was all water under the dam now. I had prayed for them all, hoping God would make The Other Woman see what she had done.

So we chatted, though on my end, it felt pretty awkward. Then here came a friend of mine.

Good. She didn’t know this Other Woman or the whole sordid story. We could have a light, party conversation.

This friend, another First Wife, is gorgeous, with a face like Bambi: huge eyes, delicate features. She has great kids, and a popular, successful husband. They’d been married forever.

To my shock, she said, ‘’My husband and I are in the process of a divorce, and it’s really, really hard.’’

I was having an Out of Body Experience, since the The Other Woman Now Wife was right there.

Then my friend said, ‘’I’m pretty sure there’s another woman.’’

It moved to an Out of Planet Experience.

She continued, ‘’They work together. He’s gotten an apartment and he won’t give me any money. The kids are really suffering. My life is a mess. I can’t believe this is happening.’’

Out of UNIVERSE.

Our eyes locked in solidarity. I’m pretty sure my OTHER set of eyes locked onto that Other Woman Now Wife:

‘’See how you hurt nice people like this, and their kids?

‘’See? See?!? SEE!?!?!”

Suddenly, though, I knew God had placed me between them for a reason.

Not for them. For me.

Inwardly, I was like one of those lizards which, when riled, erects a sheath of warty skin around its head and shoots poison out of its eyeballs!

I wanted to yank The Other Woman’s upper lip over her head and twist it into a tight knot!

Judo chop!

Powerful knee into overactive groin!

I was like that cartoon character in MAD Magazine, who acts normal . . . but his SHADOW is doing all sorts of antisocial things to show how he REALLY feels!

Suddenly, I stopped short. Where did all these ugly thoughts come from? How rotten my heart was. My anger, resentment and unforgiveness were dirty and sinful . . . just as repugnant to God as adultery.

I was the OTHER Other Woman -- in rebellion to God just like the adulteress. I’d sinned plenty in my time; I’d just done a better job of hiding it.

Confused and ashamed, I hugged the First Wife, made an excuse, and escaped.

A while later, I attended a Bible study on King David, and finally ‘’got it.’’

We learned how the adulteress Bathsheba went on to have a son by King David, and that son, Solomon, became king . . . the richest and wisest man ever . . . an ancestor of Jesus Christ.

Well, this First Wife in our group spoke up. She had recently been jilted by an adulteress, and lost most everything in the divorce. It was hard for her to see this Biblical adulteress living on Easy Street.

She snapped, and went off on God.

‘’How COULD You? Why should SHE live happily ever after, while the GOOD women like ME get the SHAFT?’’

She raged on in anger and pain.

Finally, a strong, authoritative and incomparably tender Inner Voice spoke to her:

‘’Child, which of YOUR sins should I not forgive?’’

She stopped . . . and thought . . . and bowed her head.

As she finished her story, I bowed mine, too.

Judo chop . . . on myself, Lord. People get themselves into enough trouble and anguish all by themselves. They don’t need me to ‘’pile on.’’

No more reptilian venom spurting out of my eyes on someone who’s sinned a biggie.

From now on, Lord, let it be Your grace and forgiveness coming out of my heart and through my eyes, instead.

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Prayer request: The real work of the Cross is being done for us by the Red Cross serving hurricane victims in Florida, Father. In honor of them, and remembering 9/11, let us offer our prayers and our donations in outrageous generosity. All that we have is Yours in the first place, and ours to share, to glorify You. (Psalm 30:12)