DailySusan Humor Blog

A CORNUCOPIA OF CORNY JOKES

Don’t blame me. Blame email:

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
”Yesterday's Meals on Wheels”

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we help to pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Swansboro Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

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Prayer request: Friend Cindy faces a CAT scan and a bone-marrow biopsy next week as her battle against Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia comes to a climax. Father, we pray for clear and convincing results of these tests to guide the medical team to the most surefire course of action. Cindy has been so steadfast in her faith during this trial, despite two recent hospitalizations for complications of chemotherapy. Bless her with great results, Father. You promise in Your Word that all Who seek You will know that You are good, and will never want for a thing. We lift Cindy up to You. Oh, hear our prayer. (Psalm 34:6-10)