DailySusan Humor Blog

HOW TO LOSE 45 POUNDS USING ONLY YOUR EYES

We went out with old friends and were delighted to celebrate with the husband, who had lost 45 pounds. He had to, for health reasons. He looks and feels terrific.

What particular diet did he use? One we’d never heard of before:

The “When Judith Rolls Her Eyes Diet.”

Hunhhhh?

He said he would eat until his wife Judith rolled her eyes. Then he would quit. Brilliant! Portion control was never so pragmatic.

Think of the millions that could be saved if more spouses would use their natural gift for affectionate sarcasm around their pudgy mates.

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day! For fun, here’s a quote from Irish playwright John Millington Synge you could mutter next time someone cuts you off in traffic:

“May I meet him with one tooth and it aching, and one eye to be seeing seven and seventy divils in the twists of the road, and one old timber leg on him to limp into the scalding grave. There he is now crossing the strands, and that the Lord God would send a high wave to wash him from the world.” (The Playboy of the Western World, 1907)

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Prayer request: We stand before Your Throne, Father, to intercede for Christi, the friend of a friend in Springfield, Mo. She has a prodigal son, Christopher, mixed up with alcohol and marijuana. She is up praying most of the night when he does not come home, which has been the case the last few nights. It hurts all the more because her oldest child, Craig, 21, was killed in a horrible alcohol-related accident seven years ago, on his birthday night with his buds, engaged to be married in six months. Meanwhile, her parents are both so sick with the flu they can't function well and need her, but she’s struggling with a respiratory illness herself. Last, but not least, her best friend's father is dying of cancer, so Christi has been driving a couple of hours each way to support her friend amid other family members who are very angry at God. She’s overwhelmed, Lord. We pray for her to make time to seek Your face and hear Your voice, since You never want Your children to be exhausted, depressed and hopeless like this. Let her release her agony to Your tender care. Grant her peace, rest, strength and hope. (Romans 10:11)