DailySusan Humor Blog

IS THERE SURGERY TO FIX NERDINESS?

I was afraid that I was a certified nerd because of the thick glasses I’ve worn since age 7. Now that I’ve had LASIK and can see 20/20, the physical sign of my nerdiness is no more. Could I be? Should I be? Can I now be . . . no longer a nerd, but a BABE?!?! If it’s true that boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses, what about girls who don’t wear glasses but are long past the age at which they are “girls”?

I swear, I went to the grocery store the day after surgery, and saw two or three men giving me appreciative looks. ME!!! Of course, I instantly saw why: they were wearing Coke bottle bottom glasses, and I was now a cool babe, without ‘em. All these years, I’ve gone without wolf whistles because of my specs, eh? That . . . or they were REALLY ogling the steaks that I was standing right in front of. You think?

Well, the nerdiness doesn’t go too far underground. I think it’s ingrained. I have so far: (1) Poked myself right between the eyes thinking that I had to push my glasses up, although of course there aren’t any glasses any more (2) Put my right hand up to my face and scraped it with my fingers when getting ready to take my glasses off – the glasses that aren’t there, and (3) Looked at myself in the mirror and for an instant didn’t realize that it was me – I was startled to be able to see my own naked eyes with my own naked eyes.

Now, THAT’S a nerd.