DailySusan Humor Blog

GALLOWS HUMOR IN HUSKERLAND

Lincoln, Nebraska (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Nebraska Cornhusker football team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.

- - - - - - - - -

A Nebraska sports reporter did some in-depth statistical research at a local pub, and came up with these amazing stats:

Nebraska’s average rushing gain per attempt in the last three games: 16.8 inches

That equals:

-- 6 medium lemons (end to end).

-- 37 beer nuts (end to end).

-- 5 sheets of toilet paper.

-- 5 1/2 bottles of Yukon Jack (upright).

-- 7 1/2 tooth picks.

- - - - - - - - - -

At a wedding last Saturday, as lowly Kansas was demolishing the once-vaunted Huskers, one wedding guest couldn’t help text-messaging his son in a faraway state, surreptitiously, of course, so as to not hurt the feelings of the bride, groom and priest. He wrote:

“XXXX is married . . . service very nice . . . Huskers lost . . . played like bridesmaids. . . .”