DailySusan Humor Blog

SOPHISTICATED, WE AIN’T

I have to own up to something. Our family’s full of nerds.

We went out for a gourmet French dinner the other night. Our 21-year-old has had a wonderful summer job at this great restaurant, and we wanted to support her.

We got a sitter for the 4-year-old, and it was my husband, myself, and our two middle daughters, ages 19 and 16. We got kind of dressed up for a change and were on our best behavior.

Our waitress did a superb job, enticing us to order hors d’oeuvres and dessert along with our extra-special meals. We watched her serve three other tables at the same time, and whisk the courses to and fro with style and aplomb.

The owner came over and told us all about the $26 bottle of wine we ordered. He used a lot of fancy talk. You know: “resonant,” “full-bodied,” “vivacious” and “finishes well.”

Ooh la la! What a beautiful evening. I was basking in the afterglow.

Then we picked up Maddy. On the way home, she suddenly started demonstrating her new skill: making rude bathroom noises with her mouth on her forearm.

Her dad couldn’t resist. “Vivacious!” he proclaimed after a juicy one. “Finishes well!” after a long, drawn-out effort.

He quickly chimed in with his own rude repertoire, keeping one hand on the wheel, of course.

Soon, her sisters joined the fray.

And I sat there, my sophisticated smile vanished, holding my head in my hands, listening to the chuckles and guffaws and wondering what happened.

So THIS is our REAL family lifestyle. THIS! Sigh.

Oh, well. Who could afford $26 bottles of wine all the time, anyway?

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Prayer request: We love how You work, Lord! An older woman in my summer Bible study is a missionary in Africa. Throughout her life, she has been working over there for four years, and then coming home to Omaha for one year to rest and rejuvenate. Well, this cycle, she only spent two years there, and came back for a 6-month rest. She recently had her customary hometown medical checkup, and they found ovarian cancer. It had just gotten started. They did a hysterectomy, and she’s going to be fine. But if she had stayed abroad the full four years with little or no medical care, she’d have been a goner. Praise You, Father, for You knew it all along, and You protected Your servant. (Psalm 73:11)