DailySusan Humor Blog

OUR WACKY DIVERSITY

Our globally-aware, multicultural society assures us that it’s never a dull moment here in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Somewhat Deranged. As we celebrate the Fourth of July, let’s celebrate America’s sometimes funny interaction with the rest of the world.

A friend said she’s glad that we invaded Iraq to settle things once and for all. No, not to stop the torture and oppression of the people and institute a democratic society. She’s just glad that country is in the news a lot. She hopes her family will finally start saying ‘’Ear-raq’’ instead of ‘’Eye-raq,’’ the way they finally learned that it wasn’t ‘’Viet NAAAAAAAM,’’ but ‘’Viet NAHM.’’

Meanwhile, my friend the 49-year-old lifeguard says she had better find another summer job soon, or she may develop skin cancer. She’s a redhead, and she describes herself as having ‘’cheap Irish skin.’’ That means it freckles. There goes 25 percent of MY self-esteem, since that’s about how much Irish I am; my skin is cheap, too.

Speaking of Ireland, another friend’s dad just got back from a big trip over there. But he was mad because his suitcase didn’t make it back. He thought it had been stolen. He had purchased a lot of expensive Irish clothes, too. Then all was well: the suitcase arrived. Turns out he had packed a pair of scissors, and put them right on top. Of course the airport scan had revealed them, resulting in the quarantining of his stuff as suspected terroristic tools.

He’s not a terrorist. At least, not THAT kind of a terrorist. Why did this Omahan have to have scissors on his trip to Ireland?

Because his wife had insisted that he trim the nose hairs from his ‘’Bohemian schnoz.’’

Gee, that’s not very nice to say. Bet she has cheap skin.

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Prayer request: Today is the wedding day of two beautiful young Americans, who have neither cheap skin NOR remarkable nose hairs. They’re also quite intelligent, so get this: they’re smart, and they’re blonds! There’s some ‘’diversity’’ for you! To my wonderful nephew Jeff and to his lovely lady, Aly, may the Lord shower your marriage with the light, power and pizazz of a lifetime of fireworks, the kind that only true love can make. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)