DailySusan Humor Blog

LANCETTE AND THE FIRECROTCHES

Whoa! Women’s athletics had a wacky day yesterday. First, a group of us met for coffee, and one of our number is a bicyclist par excellence. We didn’t know how determined she was, until she showed up at the fancy coffee shop with her bike, a Tour de France T-shirt, and a biking kerchief with chickens on it. She even wheeled the bike inside the restaurant to keep it safe.

When she left, we walked out in front of her, announcing: “It’s Lancette Armstrong! She’s taken a wrong turn in the Alps! Make way so she can get back into the race!”

It all worked out: we had depleted the oxygen in that restaurant with our gabbing, which perfectly replicated the biking conditions in the Alps.

See?

But that’s not all. Yesterday also was a scrimmage between our daughter Eden’s team, the Firestix, and their 18-and-under rivals. The Firestix had beaten them in the metro tournament and went on to win it. At that game, though, one of the girls on the other team was a really poor sport, and called our girls a horrible name, a name that no girl wants to be called.

Well!

Instead of retaliating, our girls showed good character. But for this scrimmage last night, they had a lot of hilarious ideas:

They would change their team name from Firestix to “Firecrotches.”

They would wear dark blue eyeshadow up to their eyebrows, and lots of red lipstick.

They would tuck their uniform tops into their sports bras, and pull their uniform shorts down below their belly buttons.

They would wear leopard-skin sliding shorts.

Athletes to the end, though, they didn’t do any of it. They just showed up to play ball. And yes, they spanked them once again.

They’re not THAT kind of girls. They’re just first-class winners.

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Prayer request: Safety and wisdom for a friend named Ellie, whose family feels threatened by an apparent mental illness in a family member. It could turn violent. Lord, protect them and restrain their loved one from hurting anybody, including himself. Surround him with people to restore his sound mind and set him back on a healthy course. (Philippians 2:5)