DailySusan Humor Blog

TEEN SAFETY TACTICS

We’re friends with the west Omaha family whose 14-year-old daughter was home alone when two men broke into their house to burglarize it. She cowered in a closet for several minutes with 911 on a cell phone, waiting for the police to arrive, while they were rifling through the house just a few feet away. Whew! The authorities arrived, arrested the two, and she was safe.

Most people I know spent most of their teen years imagining stuff like that happening to them, but it never did.

I can remember being pretty spooked, late at night, babysitting. I must have been watching some sci-fi, because I was sure there were alien fingernails scratching at the window right behind my head. Turned out to be tree branches in the wind.

Then there was the time a new babysitting client introduced me to their doggie, “Julie,” and handed me a club. Gulp! “Julie” was an excitable young Doberman pinscher, and once in a while they had to use it on her. I think I spent that whole night in muscle gridlock, gripping that club, with one eye on the clock and the other on the dog, who turned out to be as docile as a lamb.

A friend remembers her imagination getting away with her, too, at about age 14. She was babysitting, late at night, and started obsessing about what she would do if some bad guys suddenly kicked in the door, brandishing knives or whatever it is that bad guys do. She hated the thought of being taken by surprise and trapped with no place to run or hide. How could she give herself some lead time?

Well, this was in the days when everybody kept their glass pop bottles to bring back in for recycling. She decided to line up a bunch of empties on the floor next to the door. If the bad guys bashed it open, the clanging and clinking of the bottles would be her early warning signal.

It was a good idea. But one minor detail made it go sour: she forgot to put the bottles away before the husband and wife came home. They got the scare of their lives. Next time, they probably just gave her a club. It’s a lot quieter.