DailySusan Humor Blog

THE MINI-DOCTOR IS IN

Grownup doctors should go on grand rounds with a 5-year-old some time. They might learn something about bedside manner, or in this case, couchside manner.

Maddy’s toy doctor’s kit has been getting a workout lately. Yesterday, she laid out all her instruments with the precision of a brain surgeon, while inviting me to have a seat in the waiting room, which was the bench in our entryway.

It was realistic because there was a stack of really old magazines there from my recent round of basement clean-up.

Then she ushered me in to the examination room, which was the couch. With a warm but professional air, she informed me, “I’m Dr. Maddy. Do you feel sick, kind of sick, or really, really sick?”

I wasn’t sure what her Health Maintenance Organization would think of that intake assessment, but I chose “kind of sick.”

She launched into a virtual ballet of medical procedures, and they were realistic, too, because their purpose was known only to her. I got a plastic “shot,” and she winced in vicarious pain. I had my knees tapped; her forensic medicine antennae went up when she tapped my left knee but my right leg flopped, and vice versa.

I had my heart listened to via a toy stethoscope positioned at about my collarbone. Finally, I was invited to make an invisible, pretend protein spill into the tiny toy bedpan, which Dr. Maddy ceremoniously carried across the room and dumped out in the sink of her toy kitchen.

“How do you feel now?” she asked, her eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Oh, much, much better. I’m all cured!”

She was elated. “OK! Thanks for coming!”

There wasn’t even any co-pay. Now, that’s what I call a satisfactory encounter with the health-care system.