DailySusan Humor Blog

VODKA: HINTS FROM (HIC!) HELOISE

And they say being a housewife is boring. Consider what you can do with vodka:

-- Dissolve adhesives stuck to glass.
-- Remove a bandage painlessly.
-- Spray-clean bathroom caulking and kill mold and mildew.
-- Clean and disinfect eyeglasses.
-- Keep your razor in a cup of vodka between shavings to disinfect the blade and prevent rusting.
-- Spray-clean vomit stains.
-- Dab a little on a cotton ball to clean your face and tighten pores.
-- Add a jigger to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo; the alcohol cleans your scalp, detoxifies your hair, and stimulates growth.
-- Spray-kill bees and wasps.
-- Make an ice pack in a zippered plastic bag with ½ cup vodka and ½ cup water for aches, pains and black eyes.
-- Have a fever? Put vodka on a washcloth and rub it on your chest and back as a liniment.
-- Foot odor? Wash with vodka.
-- Jellyfish sting? Vodka will alleviate the pain.
-- Poison ivy? Vodka removes the oil from your skin.
-- Toothache? Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

Speaking of numbing . . . ‘salso a perf’ excuuuuusss f’not gettin’ m’housssssework done. . . .