DailySusan Humor Blog

A DIFFERENT KIND OF BOWL RECORD

There’s all kinds of talk about various records being set in the football bowl games. Some of them are pretty commonplace – yards gained, fumbles lost – and some are stats that only total football nerds could ever care about.

You know, “The East Dakotalinafornia Bohunks have just set a Salad Bowl record for the Number of Quarterback Pump-Fakes in an Unsuccessful Third-Down Conversion Attempt Before a Field Goal of Over 40 Yards!!!”

But I witnessed a bona fide, incredible Alamo Bowl record that may never be broken:

“Biggest Smile That Ever Transformed Into the Biggest Frown In the Shortest Amount of Time”

This is because, for various reasons, I accompanied my extremely gorgeous college-age daughter to a rowdy piano bar, “Howl at the Moon,” on the San Antonio Riverwalk on the eve of the bowl game. It was full of revelers getting fired up.

She took three steps into the place and was hit on by a beery, salivating and not-half-bad-looking fellow, obviously there to scope out the hot college babes. He gazed down at her with a radiant, delighted, beaming smile as he delivered what he thought was a suave opening line.

She pointed back at me and said, “I’m here with my MOM!!!” . . .

. . . and as his eyes darted toward my prison-matronly presence and then back to her, that delirious upward curve of a smile melted into the most disappointed downward curve of a frown you’ve ever seen in your life, breaking all speed records.

Too bad he didn’t get her number after all. We need to know where to mail his trophy!