DailySusan Humor Blog

HYDRANGEA NEEDS A SHRINK

I promise, this will be the last garden pun story for a while. We have a schizophrenic hydrangea bush right beside our front door.

After admiring a neighbor’s resplendent blue hydrangea blossoms for years, I finally went out and got my own hydrangea bush. The neighbor and the guy at the garden store both told me that the secret to big, blue blossoms is to have acid in the soil. Not too much or you’ll burn the roots, they said. But some.

I had some composted manure, so I dug the hole and started throwing in handfuls. Then, I guess, I must’ve been interrupted . . . phone call, Maddy, FBI, I can’t recall . . . and came back to hastily dump the bush in place and tuck it in.

Well, the first year we didn’t get any blossoms, which is normal. Last year, we got a few small popcorn balls you could barely see. I was perplexed and started babying it with top-secret, extra-special attention.

And this year . . . THIS year . . . we had big, huge hydrangea buds up the whazoo. I was so excited to watch them develop and get ready to blossom. Finally, they did . . .

. . . and sadly, strangely, they are HALF blue and HALF . . . pink!

The only thing I can think of is that I put in acidic compost haphazardly instead of mixing it in really well, so only some of the roots got the benefit.

Woe is me! What do I do next? What a fate, to discover that your beloved hydrangea is . . . BI!!!

(ORGAN MUSIC . . . FADE TO BLACK)

--------------------------

Prayer request: We thank You and praise You, Lord, that our good friend Audrey and family are back from an exciting vacation in Costa Rica with many happy memories and not a single “clank.” You are so good and so gracious to provide for and protect families so far from home, Lord. We bless You! (Hebrews 6:14)

-------------------

FOR FRIDAY, 6/11/04)

-------------------

OUCH! DOES IT HURT?

Speaking of garden puns, as we were the other day, a friend of mine is married to a wonderful gardener. She loves to show her friends all the interesting plants and flowers she has going.

One day, though, she wasn’t outside when a lady friend of hers dropped by. She was on her way out, and the friend was chatting with her husband. She started exclaiming about the pretty flowers.

So the man of the house was attempting to show her around. A garden neophyte, he knew only a little bit about the species planted. But he gave the tour the old college try.

At one point, remembering the name as best he could, he said to the guest: "Did you know that Cynthia and I have chlamydia?"

The clematis of the story is that they’re all still laughing about it.

--------------------------

Prayer request: She’s in the Army now! Well, our darling neighbor girl Kelsey is at Fort Knox, anyway, for a month-long U.S. Army ROTC Leadership Training camp. We seek prayers for Kelsey’s safety, and mental and physical stamina. Lord, use this experience to develop her into more and more of a person after Your own heart. (1 Samuel 13:14)

-----------------

FOR THURSDAY, 6/10/04

-----------------

TAKE UP A COLLECTION?

A local teacher’s retirement story in the newspaper brought a fond, but odd, memory to our teenager’s mind. Last year, in that class, there was a student who dressed a little bit like those Columbine kids, kept to himself, and sat in the back.

A little scary. I guess they call kids like him “Goths.”

Well, this teacher was once telling the class that their assignments were due. They weren’t tests or papers, but something else, like posters or presentations.

She was struggling for the right word, so she said, “OK, then, class, at the end of the period, I’m going to collect your . . . collect your . . . uh . . . .”

Just then, from the back, the Goth interrupted:

“Collect our SOULS?”

First, there was shocked silence. Then, everybody turned around to look at him.

Our daughter said he shot everybody the biggest, goofiest grin . . . and from that day forward, he was a welcome and integral part of the class.

--------------------------

Prayer request: Speaking of souls, today we mourn the passing of a beautiful one -- my sister-in-law’s dear mother, Marilyn Larsen. She fought abdominal cancer with such courage, and lived five times as long her initial dark diagnosis, six months to live. We pray today for strength and stamina for my brother Don and sister-in-law Janet, and their family, as they complete this long journey of lovingly helping her through this process. As they lay her to rest, remember them, Father, that just as You were reunited with Your Son, they’ll see her again one day. (1 Corinthians 15:55)