DailySusan Humor Blog

FEAR FACTOR

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul:
but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
-- Matthew 10:28

You could tell something was up by my daily planner:

1. Bake cookies
2. Call Pat
3. Defrost tongue

A cow tongue, to be exact. It has been in our freezer for weeks. We’ve also had a cooler with 750 Minnesota leeches in the garage, and three plastic tubs of waxworms in the refrigerator.

The tubs look like sour cream containers. I’ve been worried that somebody was going to load up a dollop on their baked potato, and then notice the fat, wriggling bodies, and scream, “Oh, my God, the sour cream’s ALIVE!!!” One can only hope they notice it BEFORE they take a bite.

The leeches, on the other hand, have been docile in the ice-cold water in that Styrofoam cooler. They’re the ideal pet: no barking, no whining, no chewing slippers. I’ve fantasized about having friends over and asking them to plunge their hand into that cooler to grab something cold and refreshing.

Then again, I don’t have any friends left – not after word got around about what’s in my fridge and freezer. But that’s life with a Post-Prom Mom . . .

. . . who’s spent the last few months planning a one-hour Fear Factor show with several other diabolical parents. It came off like clockwork this morning at O-dark-thirty: six events involving 76 kids with a chance at $800 in cash prizes. The point was to keep the kids in a supervised setting, having wholesome fun instead of out doing all those other post-Prom things that parents really fear.


So we had them hold leeches and suck waxworms up a straw.

They drank a nightmare shake of a Burger King meal prepared in a blender.

Two teams did a relay race, passing such objects as the cow tongue, a catfish and an octopus.

They ate baby food, and one boy gagged.

Pairs were handcuffed and had to grope through a black goo of leeches, nightcrawlers and dirt in an aquarium to find the key.

They came onstage for a Wet T-Shirt Contest, amid hoots and hollers from the boys, and frowns of concern from the adults in attendance. Surprise! The T-shirts were wet, all right – frozen solid. They had to be wrestled apart and put on first to win.

Even though it was all in fun, I learned a lot about fear through these games. I saw how people face it, and get through it. I saw kids kind of gulp and size things up, then steel themselves and do what they had to do.

I saw the big, strapping football players trembling when they held the leeches, but they did it. I saw the girls flutter their hands, shriek and jump around, but then they buckled down and tried each task.

Now, fear is healthy. It’s a sign of intelligence. Something would be wrong if kids DIDN’T think it was scary to put on a shower cap and goggles and plunge their faces into a vat of baked beans, stewed tomatoes, sardines and who knows what else to retrieve five barbecued chicken wings with their teeth.

You know, we’ve had a lot of fearful things happen recently: Terri Schiavo, the Pope, the tsunami, the terrorism . . . plus all the sad and scary things of everyday life, from chemo to unemployment to death of a loved one.

To deal with fear, we just need perspective. Like those kids, we need to face our fears, size them up, shudder a little, but then respond with effort and action. There’s nothing to be afraid of, if you can focus on the big picture.

No matter how things turn out, if you tried, then you beat fear. And that feels good.

Not as good as it felt to say sayonara to that octopus and cow tongue this morning. But pretty good. And that’s good enough . . . for the long run.

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Prayer Request: There’s a lonely young teenager at a middle school who, for whatever the reason, is currently an outcast among his peers. Nobody will even sit with him at lunch. His parents are afraid that getting school staff members involved will just make things worse. We turn to You, Father God, to give him solace and a touch of Your presence every day. We pray that You’ll send friends and encouraging adults into his daily path. Show the other kids how wrong it is to shun someone, how much You want them to reach out to others and be friendly, and how much worth there is to this young man. Help him, Lord, to take his place among his peers and represent You to them. (Romans 12:13)