DailySusan Humor Blog

SCANT CONSOLATION, THAT

We stupidly built our new master bathroom with two doorways, one into the bedroom and one into the hall. That made it impossible to trap anyone inside. Then we even more stupidly put the coolest bathtub in the house in there, the one that makes great bubbles. This created a WONDERLAND for a rambunctious 4-year-old.

After her bath, Maddy insists on crouching down into a ball on top of one towel while I put another one on top of her so that she can ‘’play rock.’’ Then I have to spend the next interminable minutes making pretend-footprints on this ‘’rock’’ signifying every different woodland creature under the sun: hopping birdies, slithering snakes, scampering squirrels, a big bear paw . . . and if I miss one of her favorites, woe is me.

Then she usually ‘’plays nudist’’ and runs around and around that bathroom interstate we accidentally made, through the two doorways in a circle, always just a hair’s breadth beyond my grasp.

The LAST test in this decathlon is getting her to put on her bedtime undies and jammies. Usually, she gets to pick them out. But the other night, I grabbed a pair of plain white undies for her. I had to buy them because all of her brightly-colored, patterned ones would have shown clearly under the delicate fabric of her Easter dress. It would have caused a scene.

But who likes plain white undies? Not Maddy. She wanted to wear her ‘’Hello, Kitty’’ undies, instead.

She ran and ran around the bathroom interstate again, refusing to put on the substandard, booooooring ones I’d brought up. I sat on the dressing bench, a broken and defeated woman.

Our older daughter came in with a phone. Her boyfriend, back in North Carolina, wanted to talk to me. He is 21. He is a very nice guy. I poured out my tale of woe to him as Maddy shrieked and thundered in the background. ‘’She refuses to wear anything but her ‘Hello, Kitty’ underwear.’’

The boyfriend replied solemnly, ‘’Well, I’m the same way about mine.’’

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Prayer request: A good friend who’s a good Christian is being bothered and bugged by a very unkind person who keeps popping up into her life and saying nasty and untrue things. Oh, Lord, use this holy one of yours to respond with grace and kindness to this troubled woman. Turn her behavior around so that it is more pleasing to You and less troublesome for our friend. (Luke 6:35)