DailySusan Humor Blog

FIASCO OF JULY

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free,
and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
-- Galatians 5:1

We went over to a nearby country club to see the spectacular Fourth of July fireworks show. We sat there in the car in the dark, Maddy in her Winnie the Pooh jammies, and me barefoot-casual. What a show!

WHOA!

WOO!

WOW!

In Maddy’s joyous shrieks and gasps I heard the music of America. All the color and sparkle of our amazing country were reflected in her dazzled, uplifted eyes.

This is freedom. This is how it feels. This is what God wants for us -- the peaceful, prosperous lifestyle He ordained.

Everybody honked their horns when it was over. Hey, Maddy, how was that for a birthday celebration for ‘Merica? She replied: “Humungously great!”

That’s what our country is, and that’s how we want the Fourth of July to be. We want a worthy observation to remember all the wonderful things our predecessors fought to create and sustain . . . their blood, sweat and tears . . . their battlefield valor.

This year, I want an especially great one, because I’m bustin’-buttons proud of my nephew Mark, a computer engineer who begins officer training in the U.S. Air Force this week in Montgomery, Ala.

Whenever I watch fireworks, I think of and pray for our military all around the world, for my dad and other relatives who fought for our country, and all the patriots going all the way back to our founding. They did what they did so that a little girl in her jammies and her sleepy, barefoot mom could enjoy the splendors of liberty on a dark and starry night.

‘Course, there was one celebration I heard about that didn’t quite fit the profile of an all-American great time. Guess it’s the exception that proves the rule:

It was at a country club, and in those days, the price was staggering: $13.98 per person. But you got a lot for that: fun and games in the pool, an all-you-can-eat buffet, and then that club’s signature fireworks show.

The first few pool games went fine, and then . . . disaster. They had ordered hundreds of live goldfish, and dumped them into the pool so that the kids could swim around, try to catch them, and have a whee.

Trouble was, they didn’t realize what chlorine would do to those poor little goldfish.

They died instantly, and all the giggling little kids found themselves in a watery grave with hundreds of disgusting, dead fish!

They screamed, and scrambled out of there as if escaping the “Baby Ruth” in that crazy “Caddy Shack” movie.

Then it was dinnertime. The crowd lined up for the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Trouble was, there were more diners than expected. The lavishly-prepared food disappeared. A lot of people had all they could eat, all right – of cocktail olives, parsley, roofing tile and whatever else the harried chef could round up.

Oh, well. Who cares about fancy food on the Fourth of July, anyway? Fireworks are the main event! The party-goers expectantly awaited the show. Daylight turned to dusk, dusk to dark, dark to pitch dark . . . but still no show.

Finally, ‘waaaaay off in the distance, if you had binoculars and squinted really hard, you could see the orange poofs of a few pop-bottle rockets going off. I mean, like 27. And a few Roman candles. And that was it.

It seems the stand out in the country where this club had always bought the fireworks for their signature show hadn’t opened up that year. The club employee in charge thought it would be easy to find really great fireworks at half price at a roadside stand on the afternoon of the Fourth.

But noooooo. They had hardly anything left. So that was it.

The good news is, the kids had a great time just being together, anyway, and the cash bar stayed open the whole time, so lots of the grown-ups had a bang-up Fourth after all.

Is this a great country, or what?

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Prayer request: I’d like to dedicate this week’s story to the memory of Brandon Orsborn, an outstanding young man from our town who served with distinction in the fight against terrorism in our military efforts in the Middle East. He had returned home after serving all of us, and tragically was killed in a traffic accident. Oh, Lord, we thank You for Brandon’s life – he was handsome, he was kind, he was diligent, he was admirable. Someday, we’ll understand how this tragedy fits Your purpose for his life. In the meantime, we honor his memory this Fourth of July. Thank You for seating him for eternity at the feet of the Prince of Peace to watch as You defeat the forces of evil. We ask Your solace and blessings to be poured out on his parents and family, now and always. (Psalm 110:1)