DailySusan Humor Blog

THE MEAN STREETS OF GRETNA

Drove through the booming metropolis of Gretna, Neb., and was amazed at all the construction, new houses, and new businesses along the highway. Gretna used to be the sleepy little town ‘way on the outskirts of metropolitan Omaha that my dad held up as a threat to my mom. If she didn’t behave, he’d say, he was moving her to a trailer home in GRETNA! Ewwww! She would shiver, and toe the line. It was the ultimate scare tactic. Nowadays, though, Gretna has gotten all upscale, and it’d be a treat to live there, trailer home or no.

But my daughter Eden and I have decided that Gretna is Mean City, USA. Why? Because of the odd combinations of businesses that are near to each other. Tactless! Unfriendly! Nasty, even!

There’s a mortuary right across from a nursing home!

There’s an ice cream shoppe right next to a fitness center!

And the Tender Care Animal Hospital is next to a fast-food joint that sells barbecued wings. That can’t be very fun for the birds whose owners bring them there. So THAT’S what they call “tender care” in Gretna, eh? Chicken TENDERS, they mean.

Next thing you know, they’ll have a bridal shop next to a shotgun store on the other side of a psychiatrist’s office . . . and a jail next door to the high school. Then again, with the first day of school right around the corner, that might not be half bad city planning after all.