DailySusan Humor Blog

BOATLOADS OF FUN

Some people go to the lake in the summertime to enjoy family bonding activities such as boating, tubing, fishing and swimming. But a twisted few go there mainly to watch people in the worst possible circumstance of life: trying to pull their boat out of the water. It gets to be a spectator sport when they’re trying to do this in front of people, especially if 1) they’re brand new to the process, or 2) a heap big storm’s a-brewin’ and the wind and waves are huge.

Our particular twisted friend actually brings a lawn chair to the boat ramp when on camping trips to sit with his little buddies with a festive beverage at hand. They laugh their brains out at the antics of poor, unsuspecting, would-be boat loaders. You’d think at HIS age he could come up with a more constructive leisure-time activity.

On the other hand, he’s doing the same thing car-racing fans pay big bucks to do – hope there’s a crash and a lot of excitement – and what bird-watchers do – listening for telltale chirps and ruffled feathers. Only THESE “chirps” are usually long strings of words you don’t say in front of Junior, and THESE “ruffled feathers” usually shake out as hilarious arguments between a Mr. and a Mrs.

One time, the husband was navigating the boat toward the ramp while the wife was backing the car with the empty trailer down to meet him. He shouted at her to go left, and she went left – only the trailer went RIGHT. High winds were literally rocking the boat, the trailer was all crooked, people were watching, other boats were lining up behind his, and he was getting very frustrated.

“I SAID ‘left!’” he shouted.

“I TURNED ‘left!’” she retorted.

“You went the wrong WAY!” he raged.

“You TOLD me to turn that way!” she rebuked.

“Well, hurry up and try it again, and THIS time, do it right!”

She whipped that car into Park, yanked out the keys, marched to the water’s edge, hollered, “NO! YOU DO IT!!!” . . . THREW the keys at him . . . they promptly sank . . . and she stalked off.