DailySusan Humor Blog

USING HER AS A . . . WELL, GUINEA PIG

We have had our new guinea pig Fluffy for three days. She is the new best friend of our youngest, Maddy, who is turning 6 in a few days. She got Fluffy as an early birthday present, and has really been giving her a workout. Fluffy has already:

-- surfed our maple floors on a skateboard;
-- been pushed around in a grocery cart nestled in an old tea towel;
-- driven (!!! well. . . she WAS in FRONT) a blue plastic Volkswagen bug;
-- faced off with a tiger – thanks goodness it was only a Beanie baby;
-- ridden around inside Maddy’s shirt, perched on the counter and on the couch, and been carried around in a basket. The only activity I’ve firmly put my foot down about was the wished-for ride on a plastic boat in the whirlpool. I just don’t believe whitewater is appropriate for a junior rodent. Not to mention what such a sight would do to my nerves.

That poor thing has been hauled out of her aquarium home and the sanctity of her purple plastic igloo so many times, I think she’s getting pretty stressed out. We’ve had to insist that Maddy put her in her home for an hour at a time just so that Fluffy can have a chance at some food, water and rest after all that excitement. We’ve had visions of her anorexic, dehydrated body on some TV tell-all show put on by People For the Ethical Treatment of Cute But Basically Pointless Pet Rodents.

Last night, Maddy was cuddling Fluffy while watching TV. It was Maddy’s bedtime, but she was wide awake, energetic, giggling and playful. The guinea pig in her hands, however, was literally nodding off. Her eyelids drooped, half-shut. We could tell she was yearning for the privacy of her purple igloo boudoir. Just like Maddy’s parents!

Maddy’s having a ball. But Fluffy must think she’s on some kind of “Rodent Survivor” show. Let’s just hope she doesn’t vote herself off the island, and wander our home’s ventilation system in search of peace and quiet.