DailySusan Humor Blog

A CAR HORN ON HAPPY PILLS

Now that everything’s digitized, why can’t we have some variety and diversity in our car horns? Everybody should have about 10 different sounds to use in various situations instead of plain old honks. It would make motoring so much more creative and fun.

A daughter and I thought of this as we listened, transfixed, to Maddy running across the yard looking for Sunny, our dog, and loudly singing this cheerful little song. In her high-pitched voice, she sounded just like a car horn on happy pills:

SUN-BUN!
HUN-TON!
SWEETKIN DING DONG
DIDDLY DAY!!!

When somebody cuts in front of you in traffic or fails to use a turn signal, you can give them a hostile one-fingered salute, yell “YEW MORON!!!” out the window, or the more sophisticated, 21st Century approach would be to play them THAT song . . . which would certainly cause them to grip the wheel with both hands and keep their eyes on the road, fearing, as they might, an alien invasion.

To deny access to this important new technology by those who might ruin it with expletives or nastiness, I will patent my new invention, even before I make up a prototype. It may be the first time in history anybody has ever gotten a patent who doesn’t know a screwdriver from pliers. But it’s early . . . Sweetkin.