Tuesday, December 13, 2005

AN UN-NOOSE-UAL PURCHASE

Speaking of mispronounced words . . . I will never again think that pharmacy is a boring job. You have to be an English major, an FBI detective and a brilliant thespian in order to figure out and then not crack up over the things people say when they’re in the uncharted waters of health problems.

My friend the pharmacist tells this one from a couple of years ago:

Neither the store cashier nor the pharmacy tech could perceive what an elderly gentleman customer wanted to buy. Both stumped, they came to the pharmacist.

She asked him, “What is it that you are looking for?"

"A noose!" He bellered, obviously hard of hearing and getting frustrated.

"A . . . NOOSE?" she repeated, equally loudly. Gee, she’d heard depression was on the increase among the elderly, but. . . .

"Yeah! A noose! My doctor sent me to get it!"

“Your . . . doctor?” She thought about sending him to the “Executioner's Supply” section in Aisle 5 . . . but tried one more time.

"What is it used for, sir?"

"A NOOSE! For rectal injection!"

She paused. "Rectal . . . injection?" He nodded, now obviously exasperated with her total stupidity.

She finally asked for his doctor’s name, called the office, told the nurse, and the nurse was stymied, too. So she put the pharmacist on hold and sought out the doctor.

She came back to the phone, and said, "He told him to get Anusol Suppositories."

Well . . . hang it! I . . . suppose so!

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CHRISTMAS KINDNESS: The Hope Center for Kids in inner-city Omaha has served 23,100 meals so far in 2005, providing social skills training for 326 young people and tutoring 30. Please consider a year-end gift to this crucial social service agency that does so much for kids. Send it to the Hope Center, P.O. Box 20143, 2200 N. 20th St., Omaha, NE 68120.

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