DailySusan Humor Blog

Getting Beat By a Canoe and a Dead Cat, But at Least I Beat Solich

This football bowl season . . . uh, that is, I mean, this holiday season . . . I participated in an extravaganza in which I tried to select the winners of as many bowl games as I could.

This was entirely different from a “betting pool.” This was an extravaganza! So don’t get it confused with immoral and despicable gambling. In fact, no money exchanged hands for this extravaganza. That’s because everybody paid by mail . . . I mean . . . uh, I don’t know, it was all so extravagant, I’m not really sure what went on. I do know that the winners were not to receive cash. They were to receive “holiday gifts.”

I don’t really know who organized it – whether it was a male or a female, someone old or someone new, at home or abroad – or at least, that’s my story should the FBI inquire.

The point is, out of 64 entries, I came in a putrid 55th. How far I’ve fallen! This, from a women’s libber who struck a mighty blow for the cause in the newsroom of a great metropolitan newspaper once by winning the poo . . . uh, I mean, extravaganza . . . against legions of cigar-smoking, testosterone-crazed sportswriters!

But at least we had fun, thanks to the hilarious email updates sent out over the past few weeks by the extravaganza’s organizer, whoever he or she was:

(On a front-runner) “Not only is she a cat, she is a DEAD cat. That is what I call overcoming adversity.”

(On an entry in the name of two babies) “They have stopped eating and pooping long enough to have picked six out of seven so far.”

(On the defending champion) “A dog once said to be as smart as a bucket of fur. . . .”

(On unconventional entries) “Inanimate objects, such as Eggie the Canoe, Darin Erstad’s bat, and the Bob Hope Autographed Bar Tab, aren’t doing very well, but have emerged as crowd favorites.”

The humor took the sting out of the ignominy of getting beaten so badly by everybody and, literally, his dog. I especially liked the notation about the entry that took 64th place. It was in the name of recently-fired University of Nebraska Football Coach Frank Solich. The person who entered for him “picked all the teams with low expectations, that had slipped into mediocrity.”

The extravaganzist commented, “This completes a pretty bad holiday season for Frank, with this 64th place finish being surely the most bitter pill to swallow.”

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Prayer request: We praise you, Lord, for inspiring a sensitive and positive optometrist, Dr. Graves, to go into nursing homes and not only help patients with their vision needs, but to do it with such warmth and caring. We pray that everyone will put on spiritually-focused glasses and see their jobs as a mission from You. (Luke 22:31,32)