DailySusan Humor Blog

FOR NEXT YEAR’S SUPER BOWL SHOW

Everybody’s in a hubbub over the disgusting, X-rated show of sexuality put on at halftime of the Super Bowl. But the answer, like Janet Jackson’s you-know-what, is staring us in the face:

The Fairness Doctrine!

That time-honored precept of the broadcasting profession holds that, if one side of a controversy or cultural conflict is presented on the public airwaves, then, to be fair, the OTHER side ought to be presented in an equal forum.

We, the American people, own the airwaves that were used Sunday to show the world that unbelievably trashy show that “featured” dancing that was really simulated humping, smutty lyrics, and an obviously planned breast-baring.

It wasn’t what anybody wanted to see. Anybody decent, that is.

So, under the Fairness Doctrine, at NEXT year’s Super Bowl show, the featured act should be something to represent the G-rated community. It should be something that the X-rated community does NOT want to see, just as much as we G-rated people did NOT want to see their show this year. That would be fair, wouldn’t it?

So, next year, they should have to put on a show like the one at the church down the road from us on Sunday nights once a month: senior citizens doing Scottish Highland dancing.

Oh, the pageantry of the laddies and lassies in their colorful costumes! They can dress it up with lots of bagpipes around the stage, tam o’shanters on the cameramen, and maybe serve Finnan Haddie in the concession stands and stuff.

See how many 30-second spots at $2.3 million apiece THAT brings in.

‘Course, some of those old geezers get to spinning pretty good, and those kilts can fly out sideways . . . it’s a peep show all its own, for those who like that sort of thing.

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Prayer Request: Lord, use this Super Bowl flap to wake people up to the sordid oversexualization of so much TV content and music. Help moms and dads teach their children about the “eye gate” and the “ear gate” that they must keep closed to such filth. Help us all to keep our eyes and ears open only to things that will be pleasing to You. (Proverbs 20:12)