DailySusan Humor Blog

SWIMSUIT SEASON'S COMING; WHERE'S MY SHOCK COLLAR?

Our black Lab puppy, Mazie, has a special shock collar for her hunting training. It's amazing to see how quickly she learns what NOT to do in the sport of retrieving when a small shock is delivered via remote control.

Also, we have invisible fencing on our corner lot. So if she runs up too close to the street, she gets another small shock. Works like a charm to keep her on our property.

But when people walk by with other, interesting dogs, she runs right up to the invisible fence line, and barks and barks. She won't go over the line, but she still barks at them and acts like she wants to eat them alive. It's annoying.

So yesterday, I put her hunting shock collar on, too, and peered out the kitchen window with the walkie talkie. Sure enough, a dog-walker strolled by, and Mazie came off our porch and made a beeline for them, barking her head off.

I pressed the button briefly on the walkie talkie. She halted in mid-bark and mid-air . . . went silent . . . and stopping running AND barking. She didn't look hurt or scared, just puzzled. The dog-walker sauntered on, unassailed.

Hmm: swimsuit season is just a few weeks ahead. MAYBE I SHOULD PUT THAT SHOCK COLLAR ON MYSELF . . . and every time I veer too close to the snack drawer or the refrigerator . . . BZZZZT!!!!!

Yeah! It'll be the next big thing in dieting. It'll be as big as Atkins, as popular as Weight Watchers, easier and cheaper than any of the rest. Call it the ZAP FLAB DIET!!!