DailySusan Humor Blog

ALSO HAS A SALAD BAR
AND 14 HIDDEN POCKETS

I was whining to a friend about the dress I'm going to wear to our darling daughter's wedding. Actually, it's gorgeous and I'm excited. But around the front of the shoulders, it's kind of cut at an angle, so I can't wear my usual East German Border Guard undergarments.

She told me about a store in town where they'll measure you and help you find just the right kind of strapless, backless, upless and downless foundation garment that will make you look great and not show any straps or anything like that, reposition your tummy flab, take 10 pounds off your overall weight, and feel light and comfortable all night, too.

"It even squashes your upper-arm fat," she said. I expressed delight . . . but, too late, realized she was putting me on.