INTRO TO TAE KWON DO,
OR AS MY BELOVED CALLS IT,
TAE KON DWO
Today I broke a board with my bare hand! It felt awesome. I couldn't believe a pudgy-handed wuss like me could do it.
Our daughter's tae kwon do instructor graciously agreed to come to the inner-city grade school that I volunteer to help on Wednesday afternoons through my new charity, www.AfterSchoolTreats.com He gave a one-hour demonstration and beginning lesson that had the kids beaming, listening spellbound, and thoroughly enjoying themselves.
At the end, he called me up to be the guinea pig for a board-breaking demonstration. I thought I was just going to hold it for him. But noooo -- he coached me with about three tips, and then WHAM! I did it, with the heel of my hand.
Fun! Now I want to learn more about the martial arts -- and think getting good at it might help me with the MARITAL arts, too. Speak softly and carry a big . . . heel of your hand?!?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
NOW I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING:
A FLYING CHIHUAHUA?!?
Tinker Bell, a 6-pound Chihuahua, was swept up by a 70-mph gust of wind at a flea market near Detroit and found nearly a mile away, dirty and hungry but unhurt.
Owners Dorothy and Lavern Utley thought she was . . . excuse the expression . . . gone with the wind. But they employed a pet psychic . . . you read that right . . . to find the little pooch in a wooded area near Waterford Township, Mich.
All together now:
The house began to pitch,
The wind blew the little bitch . . . or something like that.
A FLYING CHIHUAHUA?!?
Tinker Bell, a 6-pound Chihuahua, was swept up by a 70-mph gust of wind at a flea market near Detroit and found nearly a mile away, dirty and hungry but unhurt.
Owners Dorothy and Lavern Utley thought she was . . . excuse the expression . . . gone with the wind. But they employed a pet psychic . . . you read that right . . . to find the little pooch in a wooded area near Waterford Township, Mich.
All together now:
The house began to pitch,
The wind blew the little bitch . . . or something like that.
Monday, April 27, 2009
GO, GRANDPA, GO, GRANDPA,
GO, GRANDPA, GO!
According to a Tacoma, Wash., TV station, an 84-year-old man fended off two would-be carjackers by kicking one in the groin and the other in the stomach.
Ted Mazetier said he stopped one night last week to help two men with a disabled car when one punched him in the face and demanded his keys. He responded with self-defense, and the two men fled as a passer-by stopped to help.
Police arrested two suspects for investigation of assault.
Mazetier, who suffered a black eye in the incident, said he'll think twice before stopping again to help someone on the street.
I bet he still will. Now he's both older AND wiser . . . and unlike his assailants, he still knows right from wrong.
GO, GRANDPA, GO!
According to a Tacoma, Wash., TV station, an 84-year-old man fended off two would-be carjackers by kicking one in the groin and the other in the stomach.
Ted Mazetier said he stopped one night last week to help two men with a disabled car when one punched him in the face and demanded his keys. He responded with self-defense, and the two men fled as a passer-by stopped to help.
Police arrested two suspects for investigation of assault.
Mazetier, who suffered a black eye in the incident, said he'll think twice before stopping again to help someone on the street.
I bet he still will. Now he's both older AND wiser . . . and unlike his assailants, he still knows right from wrong.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
ALSO HAS A SALAD BAR
AND 14 HIDDEN POCKETS
I was whining to a friend about the dress I'm going to wear to our darling daughter's wedding. Actually, it's gorgeous and I'm excited. But around the front of the shoulders, it's kind of cut at an angle, so I can't wear my usual East German Border Guard undergarments.
She told me about a store in town where they'll measure you and help you find just the right kind of strapless, backless, upless and downless foundation garment that will make you look great and not show any straps or anything like that, reposition your tummy flab, take 10 pounds off your overall weight, and feel light and comfortable all night, too.
"It even squashes your upper-arm fat," she said. I expressed delight . . . but, too late, realized she was putting me on.
AND 14 HIDDEN POCKETS
I was whining to a friend about the dress I'm going to wear to our darling daughter's wedding. Actually, it's gorgeous and I'm excited. But around the front of the shoulders, it's kind of cut at an angle, so I can't wear my usual East German Border Guard undergarments.
She told me about a store in town where they'll measure you and help you find just the right kind of strapless, backless, upless and downless foundation garment that will make you look great and not show any straps or anything like that, reposition your tummy flab, take 10 pounds off your overall weight, and feel light and comfortable all night, too.
"It even squashes your upper-arm fat," she said. I expressed delight . . . but, too late, realized she was putting me on.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, KID:
HERE WAS THE COMEDY CLUB WINNER
Last week, we held a "Comedy Club" in the inner-city grade school in which I lead enrichment activities on Wednesday afternoons. Of all the jokes, riddles and stories told by all the kids, this one got the most applause.
(Note to all of you who gave up candy and other treats for Lent, and are finally coming down the home stretch, with just a few days of self-sacrifice to go -- this one's for you):
Teacher: If you had five pieces of candy, and Joey asked you for one, how many pieces would you have left?
Student: Five.
HERE WAS THE COMEDY CLUB WINNER
Last week, we held a "Comedy Club" in the inner-city grade school in which I lead enrichment activities on Wednesday afternoons. Of all the jokes, riddles and stories told by all the kids, this one got the most applause.
(Note to all of you who gave up candy and other treats for Lent, and are finally coming down the home stretch, with just a few days of self-sacrifice to go -- this one's for you):
Teacher: If you had five pieces of candy, and Joey asked you for one, how many pieces would you have left?
Student: Five.
Monday, April 06, 2009
MODERN TECHNOLOGY
SUGGESTS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT CAUSE
FOR THE ORIGIN OF THE UNIVERSE
Weekend before last, I attended a series of talks by an eminent astrophysicist who is a strong Christian and believes that God created the world. From his vantage point, there's no evidence for evolution among the stars. So it follows that if they didn't evolve, life on Earth didn't evolve, either.
He blew my mind talking about how technology allows astrophysicists to look back through time, to see things that happened countless light years away, using their powerful telescopes. He said it's to the point now where they can actually see The Big Bang!
Now, he didn't SAY this, but I heard it later: they've also developed highly sensitive AUDIO equipment and can go all the way back to a moment BEFORE The Big Bang. And THIS is what they heard:
"Uh oh!!!!!"
SUGGESTS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT CAUSE
FOR THE ORIGIN OF THE UNIVERSE
Weekend before last, I attended a series of talks by an eminent astrophysicist who is a strong Christian and believes that God created the world. From his vantage point, there's no evidence for evolution among the stars. So it follows that if they didn't evolve, life on Earth didn't evolve, either.
He blew my mind talking about how technology allows astrophysicists to look back through time, to see things that happened countless light years away, using their powerful telescopes. He said it's to the point now where they can actually see The Big Bang!
Now, he didn't SAY this, but I heard it later: they've also developed highly sensitive AUDIO equipment and can go all the way back to a moment BEFORE The Big Bang. And THIS is what they heard:
"Uh oh!!!!!"
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