Oh, those TV closed caption transcribers. They are weirdoes.
Today I saw a man being interviewed on national TV. The caption strip quoted him as warning us of "the rice of ISIS."
So next are they going to throw rice at us, like we're the bride and groom?!?
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Friday, March 06, 2015
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Some friends went to a party with several other families. Many of them have young-adult kids who grew up together and stayed friends.
Because it had been a while since everyone had gotten together, the hosts arranged to have different colored armbands out on the welcome table, as an ice-breaker.
If you were in a red-hot relationship, you would wear a red armband.
If you were kind of, sort of, on the lookout for someone to date, you would wear purple.
If you were enjoying many friendships, you would wear yellow.
If you had been married for a long, long time, you would wear black.
My friend's son, a college senior, told his mom that if there would have been brown armbands, that's the color he would have chosen.
She asked why.
"Because my love life is in the crapper!" he retorted.
(He is a hunk, and very sweet, but he says he always "gets stuck" in the friendship phase of relationships, and he would like to move into that red armband brigade! So hey, girls -- go get 'im!)
Because it had been a while since everyone had gotten together, the hosts arranged to have different colored armbands out on the welcome table, as an ice-breaker.
If you were in a red-hot relationship, you would wear a red armband.
If you were kind of, sort of, on the lookout for someone to date, you would wear purple.
If you were enjoying many friendships, you would wear yellow.
If you had been married for a long, long time, you would wear black.
My friend's son, a college senior, told his mom that if there would have been brown armbands, that's the color he would have chosen.
She asked why.
"Because my love life is in the crapper!" he retorted.
(He is a hunk, and very sweet, but he says he always "gets stuck" in the friendship phase of relationships, and he would like to move into that red armband brigade! So hey, girls -- go get 'im!)
Saturday, February 28, 2015
LIVE LONG, AND PROSPER
Who's sad about Leonard Nimoy passing away? I am. I adored him.
Learned this fun fact about the unique hand signal that came to be known as the Vulcan greeting on "Star Trek." Turns out Nimoy, who was Jewish, saw some rabbis use that signal as they blessed the congregation. The wording sounds just like the end-of-worship blessing you can hear in countless Protestant churches. No doubt the Protestants copied the Jews in that lovely tribute.
Here's a glance at Mr. Nimoy's neat personality:
http://tabletmag.com/scroll/189323/leonard-nimoy-on-spock-yiddish-theater-and-the-vulcan-symbols-jewish-inspiration
Shalom, and RIP, good man.
Learned this fun fact about the unique hand signal that came to be known as the Vulcan greeting on "Star Trek." Turns out Nimoy, who was Jewish, saw some rabbis use that signal as they blessed the congregation. The wording sounds just like the end-of-worship blessing you can hear in countless Protestant churches. No doubt the Protestants copied the Jews in that lovely tribute.
Here's a glance at Mr. Nimoy's neat personality:
http://tabletmag.com/scroll/189323/leonard-nimoy-on-spock-yiddish-theater-and-the-vulcan-symbols-jewish-inspiration
Shalom, and RIP, good man.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
DANGEROUS CONTENTS
Took a box with the CD's of the first two seasons of the hit TV series, "Downton Abbey," to the post office. A dear friend and neighbor has moved to Montana and is getting a tiny bit stir crazy in the long winter months.
This engaging show about the British aristocracy should hit the spot. In fact, it is so good that the resident teenager and I have binge-watched it, several hours at a time, on several occasions. It's addictive!
So when the post office clerk asked if the box contained anything fragile, liquid, perishable, etc., I had to answer "yes" to the last one:
Is there anything "hazardous" inside?
Yes! If you get hooked on "Downton Abbey," it can be "hazardous" to your dusting, cooking, laundry, vacuuming, dog-walking, shoveling, grocery-shopping . . . you get the idea.
And do any of us fans care?
As the Brits say: not a bit of it!
This engaging show about the British aristocracy should hit the spot. In fact, it is so good that the resident teenager and I have binge-watched it, several hours at a time, on several occasions. It's addictive!
So when the post office clerk asked if the box contained anything fragile, liquid, perishable, etc., I had to answer "yes" to the last one:
Is there anything "hazardous" inside?
Yes! If you get hooked on "Downton Abbey," it can be "hazardous" to your dusting, cooking, laundry, vacuuming, dog-walking, shoveling, grocery-shopping . . . you get the idea.
And do any of us fans care?
As the Brits say: not a bit of it!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
SWINE DINING: BET THEY WERE BACON A CAKE THERE, TOO
The huzzbun felt very safe at lunch today. He and his little friends went to a hole-in-the-wall reputed to have fantastic pork barbecue. It did not disappoint. Neither did the name of the joint: "Swine Dining."
What made it even better was that, after they got seated, in burst about 20 law enforcement officers, in black from head to toe, with their firearms and holsters in plain sight.
At first, my Beloved thought maybe there had been a heist and they were there to investigate. But no. There's a firing range not far from there, and apparently they were dropping in for lunch after target practice.
Shortly thereafter, here came a bunch of Air Force guys, in uniform, from the nearby base.
The two groups practically filled up the small restaurant. And as the "civilians" finished their lunch, they speculated that, if some bad guys really did come in at that moment and stick up the place . . . they would be shot 450 times by the well-armed customers. Hence, a feeling of peace and safety in which to eat barbecue.
Our daughter put the cherry on top. "You said the place was called 'Swine Dining,' Dad?" she asked. "And these were . . . cops?!?"
What made it even better was that, after they got seated, in burst about 20 law enforcement officers, in black from head to toe, with their firearms and holsters in plain sight.
At first, my Beloved thought maybe there had been a heist and they were there to investigate. But no. There's a firing range not far from there, and apparently they were dropping in for lunch after target practice.
Shortly thereafter, here came a bunch of Air Force guys, in uniform, from the nearby base.
The two groups practically filled up the small restaurant. And as the "civilians" finished their lunch, they speculated that, if some bad guys really did come in at that moment and stick up the place . . . they would be shot 450 times by the well-armed customers. Hence, a feeling of peace and safety in which to eat barbecue.
Our daughter put the cherry on top. "You said the place was called 'Swine Dining,' Dad?" she asked. "And these were . . . cops?!?"
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
MAKE THEM LOOK AT A PHOTO OF YOUR WHAT?!?
A Jewish friend of mine wrote this funny post on Facebook:
An open plea to the Kardashian-Jenner clan. Enough is enough. I do not need another picture of Kim's FAT Tush. I don't care who the other sisters are having babies with. If Bruce wants to transgender, bless his/her heart, but I have no interest. If the little Jenner wants to model topless, fine, but I don't need to see it. If the Kardashian-Jenner family does not cease and desist immediately I will be forced to start sending them photos of my life starting with my "bris" (circumcision for the non-Jewish readers).
WHOA! But it could work.
An open plea to the Kardashian-Jenner clan. Enough is enough. I do not need another picture of Kim's FAT Tush. I don't care who the other sisters are having babies with. If Bruce wants to transgender, bless his/her heart, but I have no interest. If the little Jenner wants to model topless, fine, but I don't need to see it. If the Kardashian-Jenner family does not cease and desist immediately I will be forced to start sending them photos of my life starting with my "bris" (circumcision for the non-Jewish readers).
WHOA! But it could work.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
THE SENIOR BREAKFAST FLAKE
My mom's Lut'eran church was having a food drive to help the local pantries and homeless shelters. They wanted people to bring in cereal to donate.
To make it fun, they devised a competition. They divided the congregation alphabetically into two teams. Last names that started with A-L were called "The Flakes." Last names with M-Z were "The Puffs."
On the designated Sunday, you were supposed to bring in your cereal boxes in sacks, to be weighed. Then the team with the most pounds would be the winners.
Well, my mom came in with two big sacks with the tops of cereal boxes peeking out. She declared that, since she had been a flake all her life, she was joining the Puffs team that day. That got a laugh.
THEN in front of everybody the moderator picked up her sacks of cereal boxes -- but could barely lift them!
She had tucked several BRICKS into the bottom of the sack!!!
If only they had confession and penance in the Lut'eran church!
To make it fun, they devised a competition. They divided the congregation alphabetically into two teams. Last names that started with A-L were called "The Flakes." Last names with M-Z were "The Puffs."
On the designated Sunday, you were supposed to bring in your cereal boxes in sacks, to be weighed. Then the team with the most pounds would be the winners.
Well, my mom came in with two big sacks with the tops of cereal boxes peeking out. She declared that, since she had been a flake all her life, she was joining the Puffs team that day. That got a laugh.
THEN in front of everybody the moderator picked up her sacks of cereal boxes -- but could barely lift them!
She had tucked several BRICKS into the bottom of the sack!!!
If only they had confession and penance in the Lut'eran church!
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Bigtime Busted at the Dairy Queen
This morning, my friend and I joined a challenging spinning class at our workout place. She has done triathlons, but this high-level fitness stationary bicycling was new to me. I was a little nervous about whether I would fall off, get my foot stuck, have a heart attack, etc. I was feeling particularly weak because I've been strictly dieting, too. Carrot and celery sticks do not a muscle powerhouse make.
Before it began, I ran into an old friend outside the class. She was headed over to the weight machines. She said that she was working out intensively in preparation for a big treat coming up for her 60th birthday. She and her husband were going to join a group that was going to bike ride across Europe!
Wow! Talk about fitness! What a superstar! I was very proud of her, but secretly chagrined at my own sloth, pudge, and lack of discipline and commitment.
But time heals all wounds. My Beloved came home and said that he ran into her at the Dairy Queen this afternoon, porking out with delicious ice cream and all the fixin's!
BUSTED! HER COVER STORY BROKE AN AXLE! AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!
Before it began, I ran into an old friend outside the class. She was headed over to the weight machines. She said that she was working out intensively in preparation for a big treat coming up for her 60th birthday. She and her husband were going to join a group that was going to bike ride across Europe!
Wow! Talk about fitness! What a superstar! I was very proud of her, but secretly chagrined at my own sloth, pudge, and lack of discipline and commitment.
But time heals all wounds. My Beloved came home and said that he ran into her at the Dairy Queen this afternoon, porking out with delicious ice cream and all the fixin's!
BUSTED! HER COVER STORY BROKE AN AXLE! AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Cooling? Warming? Cooling? Warming? Make Up Your Mind!
The switch among scientists from Chicken Little warnings about global cooling, to Chicken Little warnings about global warming, and now back again, makes for a lot of confusion and also wry humor.
A friend reports that a time and temperature sign in the heart of the city at 90th and Dodge Streets this morning showed the rush-hour temperature as:
-196 F
With tongue firmly in cheek, he asks, "Is that some kind of a record?"
Another pundit quipped: "See? I knew Obama would conquer global warming."
A friend reports that a time and temperature sign in the heart of the city at 90th and Dodge Streets this morning showed the rush-hour temperature as:
-196 F
With tongue firmly in cheek, he asks, "Is that some kind of a record?"
Another pundit quipped: "See? I knew Obama would conquer global warming."
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
A HORNBLOWER BLOWS IT
The resident teenage musician has been saddled with a kiddie-quality starter trumpet for more than three years. Substandard! A big competition was coming up.
So Mom caved, and took her to the music store to buy a new one. It's pro quality! It's shiny! The grin that spread over her face after playing the first few notes was all I needed to see.
So, though I winced at the price, I quickly wrote the check. Maddy took hold of the beautiful new trumpet in its beautiful case, and we whirled around to the car to rush home so she could play it to her heart's content.
All the way home, we laughed and talked . . . 'til we got to the garage, and realized we had left Maddy's coat at the music store! Not only that, but her precious PHONE was in the pocket!
At 14, she's all about the Three T's: Trumpet, Tennis and Texting. So, embarrassed, we rushed back.
"Happens all the time," the nice music guy said. "At Christmastime, a dad was so excited about his son's new trombone that he raced out and got all the way home before he realized that he had left the trombone here at the store . . . along with his credit card!"
Hey! Not to . . . blow my own horn. But at least I got THAT part right!
So Mom caved, and took her to the music store to buy a new one. It's pro quality! It's shiny! The grin that spread over her face after playing the first few notes was all I needed to see.
So, though I winced at the price, I quickly wrote the check. Maddy took hold of the beautiful new trumpet in its beautiful case, and we whirled around to the car to rush home so she could play it to her heart's content.
All the way home, we laughed and talked . . . 'til we got to the garage, and realized we had left Maddy's coat at the music store! Not only that, but her precious PHONE was in the pocket!
At 14, she's all about the Three T's: Trumpet, Tennis and Texting. So, embarrassed, we rushed back.
"Happens all the time," the nice music guy said. "At Christmastime, a dad was so excited about his son's new trombone that he raced out and got all the way home before he realized that he had left the trombone here at the store . . . along with his credit card!"
Hey! Not to . . . blow my own horn. But at least I got THAT part right!
Monday, February 09, 2015
BRIAN WILLIAMS' NIGHTLY NEWS SCRIPT!
Archaeologists have unearthed about 100 stone tablets that document the time the ancient Jews spent in captivity in what is now Iraq under pagan King Nebuchadnezzar.
Amazingly, they found the transcript of a Brian Williams NBC news report among the artifacts!
http://christiannews.net/2015/02/09/ancient-tablets-confirm-biblical-account-of-jewish-exile-in-nebuchadnezzars-babylon/
Saturday, February 07, 2015
WEDDING SURPRISES: TO HAVE, TO HOLD, AND TO . . . UH OH
Went to a fun party tonight and was regaled with stories of wedding snafus suffered by other parents of recent brides and grooms. Even the most intense perfectionist can never, ever pull off a wedding and reception without surprises. It's the stuff that goes wrong that makes them so much fun.
One dignified doctor set up a wonderland of drapey fabric from tall cottonwood trees at her daughter's riverside ceremony site. It was 92 degrees out, but wasn't too bad because of the lovely river drifting by. That is, until the climax of the wedding ceremony . . . when about a dozen drunken TUBERS with loud music and many coolers in evidence drifted right by the scene . . . and yelled up at the wedding party and guests . . . and one young woman lifted her blouse. It actually MADE the event for most people, and certainly was a memorable scene.
Another man had just bought a 40-acre wooded spread intended as his retirement home near a major city in Texas. He completed a 100' x 50' building on the land that his daughter declared would make the perfect reception site. The metal walls were draped with white fabric and they even brought in chandeliers. They decorated it so beautifully, one would never guess that there was a tractor, a shredder, farm implements and all kinds of un-gorgeous stuff right on the other side of the drapes. Even though it also was 92 degrees out, with no air conditioning, everything went fine . . . except that, despite being on a huge wooded property, the father of the bride forgot to cut wood for the fire pit. So hundreds of s'mores went uncooked (not a major tragedy; they are still eating Hershey bars at snack time!), and a giant thunderstorm boiled up from the prairie headed their way, threatening to dump one or two inches of rain on the outdoor ceremony. Almost miraculously, the storm split in two when it was a few miles off, and no rain fell on the wedding parade PLUS the temperature dropped by 20 degrees.
And they all lived happily ever after!
One dignified doctor set up a wonderland of drapey fabric from tall cottonwood trees at her daughter's riverside ceremony site. It was 92 degrees out, but wasn't too bad because of the lovely river drifting by. That is, until the climax of the wedding ceremony . . . when about a dozen drunken TUBERS with loud music and many coolers in evidence drifted right by the scene . . . and yelled up at the wedding party and guests . . . and one young woman lifted her blouse. It actually MADE the event for most people, and certainly was a memorable scene.
Another man had just bought a 40-acre wooded spread intended as his retirement home near a major city in Texas. He completed a 100' x 50' building on the land that his daughter declared would make the perfect reception site. The metal walls were draped with white fabric and they even brought in chandeliers. They decorated it so beautifully, one would never guess that there was a tractor, a shredder, farm implements and all kinds of un-gorgeous stuff right on the other side of the drapes. Even though it also was 92 degrees out, with no air conditioning, everything went fine . . . except that, despite being on a huge wooded property, the father of the bride forgot to cut wood for the fire pit. So hundreds of s'mores went uncooked (not a major tragedy; they are still eating Hershey bars at snack time!), and a giant thunderstorm boiled up from the prairie headed their way, threatening to dump one or two inches of rain on the outdoor ceremony. Almost miraculously, the storm split in two when it was a few miles off, and no rain fell on the wedding parade PLUS the temperature dropped by 20 degrees.
And they all lived happily ever after!
Friday, February 06, 2015
Mom Flaunts Her Hanky Panky
My mom, 85, is funny. She is hosting a party to celebrate her kitchen remodeling. She invited friends and neighbors to "come over for wine and hanky panky."
You should note that "hanky panky" is a hot hors d'oeuvre of hamburger, sausage and melted cheese on mini rye bread. Luckily, they know her well enough to figure out it was a joke.
The invitation reads: "The flaunting starts at 6." :>)
You should note that "hanky panky" is a hot hors d'oeuvre of hamburger, sausage and melted cheese on mini rye bread. Luckily, they know her well enough to figure out it was a joke.
The invitation reads: "The flaunting starts at 6." :>)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
