BREAKING NEWS:
WHERE SNOW SPARKLES COME FROM

Spend a little time with a little child, and you'll learn something. And how. This past weekend, we were walking outside after dark, and in the glare of the streetlights, the newly-fallen snow at our feet was sparkling like crazy.

Maddy informed me, "The Tooth Fairy and her helpers put the sparkles there."

HUNH? Upon further questioning, she reported that they take the sparkles OFF the children's teeth that they collect, and then they put them in the snow for all to enjoy.

All my stress, worries and pain fell away. There's something very precious and special about the imagination of a child. . . .

GRANDMA WEARS HER HEART ON HER SLEEVE
AND ON HER T-SHIRT? YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT

Daughter Neely is going to run a half-marathon in Lincoln again. Last spring, the fam went there to be her cheering section at the midway point. Then we scurried to Memorial Stadium for the big finish. It was a thrill!

I made matching bright yellow T-shirts with red letters out of duct tape for us, so that she'd be sure to see us on the route. Her dad wore the "N," her 80-something grandma wore "EE," I wore the "L" and Maddy wore the "Y."

We were like the Keystone Kops, flying around to make sure we were standing in order when she ran by. Big smile. We did it!

But Grandma has gotten even more "spin" off the experience. We found out she has been going around telling her bluehair friends that she wore the "EE" T-shirt but felt uneasy . . . BECAUSE A LADY REALLY SHOULDN'T BROADCAST HER BRA SIZE LIKE THAT.

Life with her really is a marathon of humor . . . and always a thrill!

GREAT WOLF LODGE:
IT FIGURES

Last weekend, we spent the night at the Great Wolf Lodge in another city. It's a truly great hotel with an indoor waterpark and several other nice features.

We got the best table at the waterpark, which allowed us to watch people come barreling down the last few feet of the waterslides and flop into the splash pool.

I was intently watching, when something caught my eye. I turned . . . and practically buried my nose into THE FURRIEST BACK I HAVE EVER SEEN! It was the man at the next table, who had his fur . . . I mean . . . his back to me. That guy's back had more hair than an entire ballroom full of middle-aged men at a class reunion.

The rather chubby older man with the furry back luckily did not see the expression on my face.

Then I remembered the name of the place -- Great WOLF Lodge -- ahhhh, yes. It figures!

SITTING NEXT TO A DRAGON BREATH PERSON
CAN ACTUALLY BE A PERFORMANCE ENHANCER

Someone we know who is very, very ladylike was sitting in a college classroom to take her first major test in Statistics class. She was nervous enough as it was . . . but the guy sitting next to her had THE WORST BREATH IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

She couldn't fumble in her purse for gum or spray perfume; that's counted as cheating.

She couldn't plug her nose; she had to keep one hand on her calculator and one holding her pencil.

She couldn't move to another seat, and she couldn't "not breathe" for 45 minutes. She just had to sit there and take it.

She was so distracted and upset about it, that she figured she probably bombed the test.

Results came back: SHE GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE IN THE CLASS!

That's the secret, students. Make sure your neighbor has loaded up on garlic bread and sauerkraut before each test . . . so that you can smell the sweet smell of an A+.

A VALENTINE'S DAY
SCAVENGER HUNT

Here's a sweet, romantic idea: an older couple were going to be apart on Valentine's Day for the first time ever. The wife was sad that morning. Then she found a love note from him tucked in the kitchen cereal cupboard. She smiled.

But next, she found another one under her soap dish. And another one under the TV remote. Still another one in her hiking boot -- saying how glad he was that she was taking good care of herself.

In all, she found 15 little notes, that he had hidden around the house before he left. He might not have been there in person, but he sure found a memorable way to let her know that he was thinking of her.

And I loved knowing this story, because I let it slip to my own Beloved . . . who came home with a dozen spicily-scented red-orange roses that I'm not sure I would've gotten otherwise!

HEARD OF A FROG
IN YOUR THROAT, BUT . . .

I don't feel so bad about all the glunk in the bottom of my computer keyboard that I didn't know was there. A little girlfriend of our daughter was telling us about the time the neighborhood children got into a mud-throwing fight. Several little frogs were in the mudhole and got caught up in the melee.

She kept playing a while longer, went back inside, had dinner, hung out with her family, and then, at bedtime, she was standing before the mirror running a brush through her hair . . .

. . . and no one will ever "FROG-get" her screams when she found something unusual tangled in her long, brown locks.

Nobody ever TOAD you life didn't have surprises!

WEAR A HELMET AND GOGGLES
WHEN YOU CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD

I was telling a friend how great it felt to open a new can of compressed air and blow out my computer keyboard.

It prompted him to go and do the same, as several of the keys weren't registering on his computer screen when he typed -- apparently some kind of glunk was lurking underneath and obstructing his keystrokes.

Here's his description of what his cleaning job revealed:

"Birds' nests, pencils, a spoon, two paper cups, and a dog bone came out. No wonder I couldn't spell. :>)"

T-SHIRTS WE LIKE

Now all I need
are some minions.

LEAVE ALL THAT MUMBO-JUMBO
TO THE RUMDUM ADULTS

A friend's cute story about a relative who used to "put on" the kids that you had to wiggle your fingers and murmur magic words to get the garage door to lift (all the while hiding the controller in his pocket) reminded me of our daughter's "put-down" of someone with a similar bent:

Maddy was riding in an ATV with our dear neighbor man and his granddaughter. They came to a gate with an electric eye. The grandpa quickly ran his card through the slot, not letting his toddler granddaughter see him do it.

Her eyes got big. "Gwampa, Gwampa, it's goin' up all by itself!"

With a grin, he proclaimed, "It's magic!"

But our Maddy, ever the cynic, retorted, "No, it's not. It's TECHNOLOGY!!!"

OREGON MUSIC:
WHEN YOUR 'THINKING OREGON' IS ON VACATION

We took our 10-year-old to a hockey game over the weekend. We sat on the "50-yard line," or whatever you call it in hockey. After a while, our daughter pointed clear over to the end of the arena, so far away I could barely see, and said:

"There's the guy who's going to play the Oregon music."

Hmm, I thought. Oregon had the national championship football team. Maybe they're going to play their fight song since the pro football championship, the Super Bowl, was this weekend.

I craned my neck, looking for a guy in a trademark green and yellow Oregon Ducks shirt.

"Right there!" Maddy urged. "Right under that sign! There he is! Don't you see him?"

All I could see was a guy standing at a digital keyboard. He started to play, and through the arena microphones, it sounded just like . . . ORGAN music.

Ohhhhhhhhh, well. I can always pretend I got hit in the cerebrum by a flying hockey puck. . . .

HERE'S A T.G.I.F. EXPERIENCE:
BOTTLE BAND IS A REAL CORKER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k26nt3Y4cmg&feature=related

FOR THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB:
HOW TO GET BIG, STRONG MEN TO YOUR HOME

No, you don't just tell them the Super Bowl is on your theatre-sized TV, or that a golf pro will be giving free swing lessons in your back yard.

If you're in your late 80s and beginning to slip into dementia, you just call 911 when you want some company, and lots of big, strong men (and women!) will show up at your door.

A friend's mother did just that a few times, and it was left to him to explain to the police and fire personnel that she simply got the urge to talk to somebody. She couldn't remember anybody else's phone number, so she just dialed 911.

13 PEOPLE IN A SODHOUSE?
IN A BLIZZARD? EATING BEANS?

The wind was howling; sleet was pelting the windows; about six new inches of snow had fallen and the wind chill was -22.

I started thinking of the prairie pioneers, and wondering how they made it through nights like this, in a blizzard, living in a sodhouse with no microwave oven, Internet or DVD's.

A friend commented that there was a sodhouse on her grandparents' farm in which the whole family -- 13 people -- would gather in one room, and the livestock in the other, during blizzards.

That started us laughing, since we knew that in the latter half of most winters, beans were about the only grub left in those pioneer days.

No WONDER nobody is smiling in any of those old-time pioneer pictures!

AN ELDERLY MOTHER'S REQUEST
SHOULDN'T BE LEFT OUT IN THE COLD

One of my friends from college lives in Missouri. It usually has temperate weather, but hoo boy, not tonight. It's the worst blizzard in probably 100 years. Biting winds, black ice under 20 inches of snow, people getting stranded -- it's a howler.

Well, this friend visits her elderly mother almost every night. The mother lives in a nearby nursing home. Tonight, the friend called her, assuming she wouldn't be expecting her to drag out on a night with such drastic weather: "Hi, Mother. Boy, it's a blizzard out there. . . ."

. . . but Mother interrupted by saying, "When you come tonight, be sure and bring me an EMERY BOARD!!!!!!!"

All she could do was laugh . . . and comply, imagining herself to be a St. Bernard with manicure tools instead of good bourbon.